Like dust bunnies under the bed that you don't think about until you have a reason to confront them, I've recently found some not so cute and fuzzy things hanging around in my heart. Timidity, fear, apprehension, tentativeness - they all belong to the same family and I've only just been made aware of a whole other crop of them that have been hiding in the corners of my heart. I've battled fears in many forms and really thought I was walking in freedom. My first clue that I wasn't quite as victorious as I thought came from an unlikely source: piano lessons. I've been so blessed to begin taking piano lessons from a wonderful, gifted, amazing Russian woman who just happens to live across the street. My Abba Father is so awesome! She is unlike any teacher I ever had growing up. She has a passion for music and life that inspires me. She also intimidates the heck out of me! As my lessons have progressed, we've both become aware of this timidity and fear of making a mistake that has a strangle hold on my mind and my hands. I even battle it when I am practicing at home. Weird, huh? I've begun praying about it and asking my Abba to set me free from it. As usual, it is not a microwave fix, but slowly and surely He is peeling back the layers of this mess. I've come to see that the root is the lie I believed somewhere way down deep and long ago that says, "You must be perfect to be loved." I can't make mistakes because I have to do it all right. I've been tempted to quit playing the piano just because I make so many mistakes. I thought if I really had any talent for it, I wouldn't make so many mistakes. How silly! If no one ever did anything unless they could do it well from the beginning, how very little would ever be accomplished. I don't want to live this way anymore - afraid of trying and failing. I want to be brave enough to try even if I fail the first twenty times. I want to live my life in a brave stride instead of a cautious crawl. As Miss Luda tells me, I must be courageous!
So, this morning, the Holy Spirit and I took the broom of Truth (it can also be a sword!) and we swept out those lying spirits. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of mistakes, fear of being hurt - and all their friends were given their notice of eviction. I told them they no longer had any permission to hang out in my heart and to take their junk and go in the name of Jesus. Yes! I am asking the Holy Spirit to clean that area up completely and bring love, power and a sound mind to live there instead! Hallelujah! Our God is so good! He takes broken, imperfect, hopeless people and transforms them by His mighty power and love. How can you not love a God like that?
Just one more thing - when He transforms us - it isn't into perfection - it is into relationship with Himself. I can't, but He can. Apart from Him, I can do nothing, but I am not apart from Him anymore! I'm in Him and He is in me. That means anything is possible!
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8