January 18, 2011

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to shift into auto-pilot?  You just set yourself on “go” and start doing all the stuff that is always there to do.  It’s actually possible to go for days like that as long as you never give yourself a chance to stop and get real, with yourself or the Lord.  Maybe that’s why sometimes I run from spending time with Him.  I’m comfortable on automatic.  I’m pleasantly numb to the world and its problems.  I’m hardly even aware of the sound of my own heart crying softly in the background.  It isn’t until I force myself to stop and sink to my knees that I realize how heavy the burden I’m carrying really is. 

Why do I do that?  Is it pride?  Is it fear?  It’s probably something really unglamorous like a big old streak of stubborn mule coming out in me.  Whatever it is, I am asking the Lord for grace to stop it!  I’m ready to stop living like a stupid mule.  I know I’m not the first to struggle with this.  David talked about this very thing in Psalm 32, verses 8-10:

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in Him.”

That’s probably the crux of the matter right there.  I don’t draw near because I still really don’t fully trust Him.  I really hate to admit that, but there it is.  Some part of my heart is still afraid to come near to Him.  What if He is disappointed with me?  What if He’s angry?  What if He ignores me?  Clearly, the enemy has plenty of ammo hidden in this stronghold.  In case you’re not familiar with this as a spiritual term, a stronghold is like a fort where the enemy has a strengthened position he is occupying in our hearts.  It is usually built on one or more lies.  Uncovering a stronghold is a really good thing, because the lies get busted up with the truth, the enemy’s hiding place is destroyed, and more of our hearts get set free.  The truth is that the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds me because I trust Him, not perfectly, but I do trust Him.  The truth is that the Lord has engraved me on the palms of His hands.  He has promised to always be with me, and to love me with an everlasting love.  It is also true that all of the Lord’s wrath for my sin was taken by Jesus on the Cross.  There is no condemnation for me because I am in Christ Jesus, completely covered with His purity.  There is no reason at all to hold back from running to the arms of my Abba Father!  He is where I need to be. 

Dear Abba, please draw each one of my sisters to Yourself.  Please continue to break down every obstacle that stands between us and Your presence.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen.