Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Facing Down Failure

Yesterday was quite a day at my house. From the 6 a.m. alarm until the parent meeting at the high school that took longer than I was hoping it would, there was too much to do and not enough time to do it. However, in the midst of the whirlwind of activity, there were a few moments where the Lord met with me that made all the difference. The first of those moments happened during prayer at Ladies Bible study. As Elaine prayed, the presence of the Holy Spirit lifted the lid on a box I had been shoving aside and ignoring for days. Inside that box was an overwhelming sense of failure. I've been telling myself I'm fine, but I've been lying. I've been talking to the Lord on behalf of others, but refusing to come to Him for myself. In those few quiet moments, I was able to face the truth about the box. Dealing with it would have to come later, but spending those next couple of hours with the wonderful ladies in our Tuesday gathering really encouraged me and strengthened me for coming home and taking the lid off again. Coming together with other believers in a group where you can share your life and your heart makes all the difference.  

So, in the afternoon, after settling my sick little girl on the sofa for a nap, I slipped outside to sit on my deck and talk to the Lord, hoping that He had something to say to me. I've been running from the Lord. Why? Mostly fear - fear of rejection, fear of hearing nothing, fear of seeing His back turned against me because I still think it's about what I'm doing. I had twenty minutes before the oven timer was going to go off. I brought my Jesus Calling, silently daring God to speak to me through it. Here's what the day's entry said, "Don't be discouraged. I know your heart. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down." About this time I had to laugh because not only does God totally have my number, He has arranged for me to read exactly what I need to hear. One of the scripture references at the bottom was Hebrews 4:14 -16. On my way there, verse 4:2 - the second part jumped out at me, "But the message they heard was of no value to them because those who heard did not combine it with faith." I have to choose to believe what God says about me. Here's what He tells me I need to do - this is Hebrews 4:16 - in my words, "We need to run to God's ruling seat of mercy full of confidence that He will receive us and give us the mercy and grace we so desperately need." That is what I intend to do. Run to His mercy. Believe that the blood of Jesus has covered all my failures once and for all. It is done. I choose to enter His rest.  I choose to quit believing that His love for me varies with how well I'm doing my job, how much I weigh, or how clean my floors are. 

Father God, please help us believe the wonderful truth that You receive us and our performance has no bearing on Your love for us. Help us get this Lord, because I'm still not sure we really do. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

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