What Got In the Way?

Last week the Lord spoke these words to my heart:  Something comes between us and a shadow falls on your heart, but My great love never leaves you. 

You might have wondered what could have possibly been big enough to block my awareness of the Father’s love.  Sigh.  First, let me just say that sometimes it is really hard to be so open with you.  I wish I could hide myself and just share the distilled truth I believe I’ve been given without showing you the muddy path to the well from which I draw.  Knowing that we all walk those same muddy paths is what keeps me willing to lay down my mask and let you see me as I am.  My dearest hope is that I can help you avoid or climb out of a few of the holes I’ve fallen into. 

What came between me and my awareness of my Abba and His love?  I had shifted my focus from Him to a person.  My thought life was dominated by how this person had disappointed me, let me down, and not been to me what I had hoped they would be.  I was stuck in a place of finding it hard to let go of how I wanted things to be.  I didn’t want to let go of my claim ticket that said “So and so owes me ____________”, only that little blank would go on for a paragraph or two.  Have you ever wandered this barren land?  It is not a happy place.  It is pretty much the opposite of the picture painted by Psalm 23.  This is where we end up when we seek to be our own shepherds, searching desperately for the way to make sure our needs get met by those around us, or even by ourselves.  In the end, there is nothing but darkness and howling emptiness.  The only way out is to let go of our right to demand that someone be what we need.  Now, here is the part where we get to see how wonderful our Abba Father is.  He doesn’t ask us to deny the needs of our hearts.  What He asks is that we will take those needs and trust Him to meet them.  He speaks to our hearts the incredible comfort that we are His sons, and He will provide for us.  We are not orphans that we should cry at the gate for a crust to be thrown our way.  No!  He promises that every need will be met abundantly if we will only trust Him.  With this treasure before us, it is easy to let go of the little rock we’ve been clutching so desperately.  Now we are able to go beyond forgiveness in the traditional sense of “you did this, it was wrong, but I forgive you”.  We are able to look at those responsible for our deepest let-downs and say, “I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be for me.  I accept you as you are.  I trust my Abba Father to meet all those needs that you either won’t or can’t meet.  You are released from my debt.  I won’t keep trying to shake you down for something you just don’t have.” 

Is this a one-time deal?  No way!  I have to keep choosing where I put my focus.  Is it on the immense awesomeness of my Abba God or have I allowed a tree to block my view of the One Who made every forest?  This is why worship is vital to the life of our souls.  Not because God needs it, but because we need to remember Who rules, and how wonderful He is and always will be.  He is ALL we need.  Amen.